Cat’s got your tongue?

Meow, has it been a long time since I blogged. It’s not a cat, no it’s more like a good old summer storm! Summer hit….Kid’s home, Mission Trips, Break-ups, Wedding Prep, Work….Mixed in with showers of re-entry effect due to the mission trip (travel-jet lag, lessons learned and brought back, God stirring the ole pot of my heart…..) and possibly the start of the climb up the “menopausal mountain” (Dear God, do I have to make this climb?)

Yes, the perfect summer storm. A few of the thoughts that have been swirling ….

I was blessed with 3 big boys close together (2 littles too)….and yes, there are always moments of adjusting and letting go as a parent. But all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling of loss. They all have grown up and have wonderful lives of their own (thank goodness). And as much as I love and adore the 3 amazing women whom they love and don’t mind sharing the boys with them, I was caught off guard at the thought of sharing them with the families. I know it is the way things go and they are great families…..but all three at once? Okay God, I get it. Let go a little more, once again. I know they love me and no one will replace me, they will always be a part of my life, but this is a tough one. My stuff…not theirs. It’s easier to let go of things that are not part of God’s plan (the break-up) than it is to loosen the grip on one you gave birth to! Ugh…motherhood at it’s best and worst, but wouldn’t trade it for nothing!

Then there was the re-entry from Kenya: Main thought, while I usually come home feeling sad for the kids we leave, this time I was sad for the kids here. There is so much social anxiety and pressure here in the good old US of A that my heart went out to our kids. We are getting it wrong. It should be more simple….They should feel safe, loved and worthy just as much as their tummies and closets are full. They should know who they are and that they are wonderfully made, just for them, not for what they do, or say, or wear. SIMPLE. It’s not about the things on the outside….. they have everything they need inside them to be amazing, strong and successful…..most just don’t know it.

Lastly, I like routine and order (might be why I make a great coach) and summer is like a free for all! A few weeks are great, but I never feel like I can quite get my footing. It’s always changing. Not a bad thing but definitely a place of growth for me. But add in the “menopausal mountain” and things can seem like a land slide! These emotions can be tough for a genetically programed “JOYFUL” person like me…..Who am I? Why am I so grumpy? I don’t hate everyone, do I? Why did I just cry at that? Is the air-conditioning not working? Why do I feel the urge to bite someone? What is happening???

This morning I was up early and was reading this great book called, Finding God’s Will, by Gregg Matte and in it he talks about Moses and his tent meetings with God…”Now Moses use to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the “tent of meeting.” Anyone inquiring about the Lord would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp.” (Exod 33:7-8) You see Moses knew that leading others can fire you up and wear you out all at the same time, Lord knows those Israelites could sure get fussy!  He knew that to be the best leader (mother, coach, friend, sister, daughter…..) he had to spend time in the presence of God. We must retreat regularly to the “tent” to get direction, the next steps and filled up. We must get quiet to hear his gentle voice speaking to us, to calm us and settle us.

So, as I am making my way through the summer storms and around “menopausal mountain” I will be pitching my tent regularly, knowing there is nothing like a tent meeting to get me filled up and fired up for what He has in store for me next! And the one thing I am sure of is that with each Tent Meeting He will be faithful to lighten the load in my backpack!