Halftime, Girl Talk and Landing Spots

Posted by on Feb 12, 2013 | 1 comment

I started out this year saying I was going to blog at least 3 times a week. Well, you can see how well that one went. I think that I have had so much in between my ears that I was afraid to actually write it! This is the year I turn 50. I am not scared, sad or upset about it like so many of my friends, but is has stirred a great deal within me. I feel incredibly blessed to have made it to the 50 mark with good health, 5 amazing children who like to be with me, a daughter in law that I enjoy and think of as my own.  I have a job that I love, to be invited into others lives to watch them grow, let go, become and create the life they were born to live, what an honor. I have been gifted with a big messy, loving family that is fun, supportive, and a sister who is not only a best friend but lives on my same street. Friends that answer when I call, show up when needed and extend grace when I am too busy.

I think the thing that has me the most intrigued is the amount of time left in my hourglass. With deep thought I began to realize that I most likely won’t be here as long as I have been here.  I know people live to 100 and older but I am not too sure how long I want to be here, it’s a quality of life thing for me. So what’s a girl like me to do with the remaining gift of time that seems to be speeding up?

One, I am determined to be more gentle on me. Why spend time beating myself up? What is not to love? If I can, or want to change it, I will. If not I will let it go. Self torture is a waste of precious energy after the half-time show.

In the last half I want to only say what is kind, true and necessary, why waste my breath on anything less.  Always say, “Good morning…I’m sorry… Forgive me”.  Hug more, kiss goodbye and smile to all.  Say, “I love you” whenever you part from someone you do. Linger, listen, and laugh more, the dishes will wait. Only spend the time left with those that challenge, encourage, support, uplift, dance and make me smile, the others will have to go. Look for and create meaning, passion and purpose within each day, even if that means taking a nap so I am ready for the next adventure! The only thing that has haunted me a bit is wondering if I will be single for the remaining time given, but the other day I think I found a landing spot for now. Grace and I were laying in bed giggling and snuggling when she said,

“So, you will be 50 and I will be 10.”

I replied, “Yes, and when you are 20 I will be 60.”  A hush fell over the room…

“Sweetheart, what is a matter?” After a few teary moments she replied,

“I just want you to see me get married mom!” Oh, I see.

We talked about how I was not 100 yet and that I would see her get married, and not to get married just so I could see her get married, but to wait until she found someone that she loves big and he loves her big right back! (and oh by the way…can pay the bills, makes you laugh, you are attracted to, prays with you, challenges you, is a good listener, communicator and would be a good daddy…Okay I didn’t say all of this, we were working through my mortality for now!)

As she calmed down and fell asleep I held her close and thought, she is right.  She wishes she had been born when the big boys were so that she could be in her 20’s while I am at this age. Yes, I am older and she will get less of me. But the older wiser me knows some of the secrets of life now and what to let go of. What has deep meaning, true value and is so delicious that it’s worth every bite, so eat it!  I say things and giggle with her (and Jackson) that I would have never said to the big boys at this age for fear of “ruining” them.
With the wrinkles also comes a lightness that there is nothing left to really prove, only things to love, including myself.

So what if I am single for another 7 years until Grace sets out on her own, isn’t this a love story too? It has given new meaning to “loving what has been given”, until God sees fit to create space for another love story in my life. Each life has many chapters, with so many story lines intertwined to make it so worth living!

Ahh, a gentle landing spot for Grace and I to snuggle, exhale and and find comfort on together.
50 here we come!

1 Comment

  1. avatar

    Love this exchange and when your 100 I’ll be 98 and Isabella will be 49! Wisdom will be key for us all!

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