Tunnel Living

Posted by on May 28, 2014 | 2 comments

Have you ever had a moment when hope or faith got a bit difficult to carry on your own?  Or maybe you just decided to put them down because you didn’t see any reason to keep holding them so tightly. These moments can be the most scary and lonely places we find ourselves in.  The other day I happened to have one of those moments, and when I feel one coming on there are a handful of people I reach out to. People who have earned the right to hear and be a part of my story, the good, bad and the very ugly. This time I tagged my sister in.  I called and asked her if she could come over, thankfully she lives about 10 doors down.

She said, “I’m on my way.”

When she walked in all I could muster was, “I need you to tell me I’m going to be okay.”
She hugged me and said, “You are going to be okay.”
I said, “I am mad at God.” She said, “I’m mad at God too!”
Which only made me smile through the tears. Good to know we are on the same side.
There God! What do you think about that? My sister is mad at you too.

What it really boilelight-at-end-of-tunnel1d down to was my being single for the last nine years. It can be overwhelming and exhausting and somewhere I lost the light at the end of the tunnel. In fact it felt like I had pitched a tent and had made the tunnel my home. “What’s up God? Aren’t I doing everything you are asking of me? Must I live this life out alone? I am ready for someone to CARE FOR ME please!”

After allowing me safe space to fuss and “get it all out” my sister gently said, “You know just the other day, I was thinking about how much fun we are going to have traveling the world when you meet this no named man that God has for you.” Her words of hope washed over me and I realized that she still BELIEVED, even if I couldn’t. She was carrying the hope that seemed too heavy for me to pick up.  The pilot light was lit again and I could feel a bit of hope and faith, even if I couldn’t see it.

Carrying one’s hope or faith, when someone we love does not have the ability or strength to carry it, is one of the greatest gifts we can give one another. Believing in the light at the end of the tunnel, grabbing their hand, stepping out and leading the way, until they find their footing and their faith again. These brave carriers are God’s support staff placed among us to see us through. This time it was me, deep in the tunnel, but we all have to be ready and willing to be tagged in to carry hope and faith so that others can find the light of God’s love and sustaining grace when they have lost their way.

Oh and about a week later I was thanking God for his patience with this fussy impatient girl, his only reply back was, “He’s not ready yet.”

Good to know!


  1. avatar

    Thanks for this reminder about our “pilot light” in dark places – they are not ours to keep burning – God does that because that’s who God is! I get so tired and frustrated searching and searching for the matches …and inevitably his grace reminds me to sit back and search instead for his warmth that is always there. Thanks for these inspiring words to start my day! Love you, M!

  2. avatar

    As I shared in your story this morning I found tears running down my face, as the story was a familiar one to me. I spend day after day trying not to turn… Cold from waiting, hoping and the loneliness. I love my alone-ness but not the loneliness. And then I read your last sentence which made the tears stop. “He’s not ready yet”… And laughed as I said to myself “He better get it together soon” HUGS! Love, Gilda

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